Medvedev keeps his word: Trump's nuclear submarine was "taken" by Daghestani special forces
Quarrel between presidents
The incident happened in early August, when the mountains were shrouded in mist and the Caspian Sea was as blue as the inverted sky. US President Donald Trump had a dispute with former Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. They exchanged sharp words, even mentioning nuclear weapons.
Trump called his admirals and said:
"Gentlemen! This Medvedev is playing with fire! We need to show the Russians what 'American power' is! Put my 'submarine-launched ballistic missiles' right under their noses!"
Hearing this familiar naval slang, Admiral James Kilby stood straight up:
"Yes, sir! President sir! The 'Wyoming' and 'Louisiana' nuclear submarines are ready to depart!"
The Pentagon was suddenly in chaos. Operators rapidly typed on keyboards, and communications officers shouted into microphones:
"Bangor Base, this is the Pentagon! Please receive an urgent message!"
"'Wyoming', 'Wyoming', this is 'Takam'! Confirm: Alpha-Bravo-7-Charlie. Please proceed to the designated patrol area!"
"Received, 'Takam'. 'Wyoming' has received all. Proceeding to the target area!"
Two massive submarines — each as long as a football field — silently submerged into the water. On board were 150 sailors and nuclear missiles.
"SSBN-742 'Wyoming', SSBN-743 'Louisiana': Silent navigation. Electronic silence state Alpha level. Proceed to 'Glacier' base. Launch authorization status remains at SIPL, but the president wishes for frontline deployment."
"Dashboard shows depth of 45 meters, low pipe temperature, reactor in front of France."
US media reported the incident with prominent headlines:
The Chicago Tribune: "The US president has moved his 'submarine-launched ballistic missiles' eastward — submarines have increased tensions around Russia."
The Dallas Morning News: "'Submarine-launched ballistic missiles' race: Trump sends missile submarines to the Kremlin."
The Denver Post: "Not like your grandfather's 'submarine-launched ballistic missiles': The White House deploys a nuclear fleet at Putin's doorstep."
...
Eighteen hours passed.
Comms officer Major Michael Regis wiped sweat from his forehead again and finally gathered enough courage to say loudly:
"Sir... communication is interrupted... Sir, both submarines have gone offline from SOSUS and SATCOM systems."
Admiral Cameron "Cam" Gustines took a few seconds to digest the news, then angrily snapped the pen he was spinning in his hand.
"Nonsense! They couldn't both lose contact at the same time. Don't tell me my submarines are in trouble, Lieutenant. Full spectrum ping scan, activate the 'fleet satellite' backup system, send the coordinates of the naval facilities to the bridge!"
The cipher lieutenant rushed to the terminal. The admiral clenched his fists — his submarines could not sink to the bottom of the sea.
The message was confirmed. Both submarines disappeared without a trace.
However, the news was confirmed. Both submarines disappeared without a trace.
As usual, the news soon leaked to the media. A few hours later, new astonishing headlines appeared on major US media websites.
The New York Times: "The US president's nuclear 'submarine-launched ballistic missiles' went missing on their way to Russia. The Pentagon accuses Russia."
The Wall Street Journal: "Black hole in the ocean: $6 billion submarines missing. General Dynamics stock fell 4%."
The New York Post: "Putin's black magic: Here's your 'submarine-launched ballistic missiles', now gone!"
The Pentagon press secretary fumbled during a press conference, trying to dodge reporters' questions:
"We currently have no latest action information."
Meanwhile, in the White House, President Trump paced back and forth in his office:
"What does 'missing' mean?! They're not toys! These are nuclear submarines! Find them for me!"
...
Another 16 hours passed, and all the Pentagon's phones rang simultaneously.
"Admiral Kilby!" The young lieutenant on the phone shouted with a trembling voice, "We've received a signal! Coordinates: 42°55' N, 47°45' E..."
The admiral quickly looked at the map, and his voice became sharp.
"What? Isn't that the Caspian Sea? Mahachkala port? Double-check!"
"We have verified it, the signal is stable!"
"Oh my God..."
Received a signal! Coordinates: 42°55' N, 47°45' E... the Caspian Sea, Mahachkala port.
John Steel, the agent, is on the move
In Langley, the CIA headquarters was tense and chaotic. The director held an emergency meeting.
"Gentlemen. We are facing a number one crisis. As you know, our two strategic nuclear submarines were found in the Caspian Sea. It's unbelievable, but it's true. The only clue — the Turkish coast guard reported that they recorded strange underwater sounds a few hours earlier... I can't interpret the rest... 'It sounded like Daghestanians dancing the Lezginka on the deck.' Does anyone understand what that means?"
The officials all frowned and shrugged their shoulders.
"We need the best agents," the director thoughtfully said.
"Sir," a white-haired colonel raised his hand, "I recommend John Steel. He knows Russians and their customs very well. He's a reliable agent."
Others nodded in agreement.
Steel, who was sitting by the wall, stood up expressionlessly.
"Steel, you are our only hope. Go to Dagestan and find our submarines!"
Several hours later, the agent landed at Istanbul Airport and then flew to Makhachkala. After exiting the airport, he looked around for a taxi.
Although he was dressed as a regular tourist, the men coming towards him stared at him with unfriendly eyes.
After years of service, Steel felt fear for the first time: "What went wrong? Did the information leak?"
"Hey! Are you here for the beach? Where's your pants?"
Steel paused: "Is this some local code?"
He pointed to his work shorts, just in case.
"Here."
A group of young men approached him.
"No, brother, not like that! You're disrespecting us, brother, aren't you?"
This began the extraordinary adventure of the American super-agent in Dagestan.
Steel's first report
Secret — ORCON — Prohibited from disclosing to foreign countries
Sender: HARPOON-1 Recipient: D/SAC
Task status: Arrived in the Caucasus region. Current area: Dagestan, Makhachkala.
Situation: Beaten because of wearing work shorts. Tried to go up the mountain to observe the port waters, pretended to be a sunbathing tourist upon seeing locals, but desecrated a sacred place, was beaten and tied to a sheep and pushed down the hill. Called the grilled meat "delicious pork" — suffered minor physical harm. Refused to drink tea during a visit — again suffered minor physical harm.
Information obtained: Case A: Everyone is talking about Hamzat's wedding. His fiancée's cousin's nephew refused to pay the dowry, because the bride's brother's brothers were dissatisfied with the bride's uncle Shamil, who had a quarrel with the imam's cousin Kamal in Guniyb village, saying that the bride's mother-in-law's pilaf was too salty, which insulted the bride's mother's brother Rustam's grandfather, and now the entire family demands compensation.
Subsequent actions:
Clarify Hamzat's family relationships, find him and approach him for interrogation and recruitment.
Please analysts verify the following information — possibly a clue:
"A hero dies once, a coward dies a hundred times. A river that forgets its source dries up. People are born and die."
HARPOON-1, communication ended."
"Dagestan is a hell!" The CIA director couldn't help but say.
Steel's second report
"Secret — ORCON — Prohibited from disclosing to foreign countries"
Sender: HARPOON-1 Recipient: D/SAC
Situation: The mountains here are very beautiful. Fallen in love with grilled meat and the Lezginka dance.
Hamzat (possibly the one who hijacked the SSBN) has been located. Invited to participate in a car parade on Sunday (status: a valuable activity for building relationships).
Participation conditions — need a decent "BMW".
"What?" Hearing this, the CIA director was shocked.
Black BMW, body from E-39 to F-10, fully tinted black, R19 wheels. Otherwise the brothers won't accept — Hamzat said, "People without a 'BMW' don't have authority."
Request additional funds for procurement: Black BMW 530i, dagger, short sword, spare tea, dried fruits and gasoline: $16,000 (approximate). Please approve immediately through Q-FIN channel.
HARPOON-1, communication ended."
Steel's third report
"Secret — ORCON — Prohibited from disclosing to foreign countries"
Sender: HARPOON-1 Recipient: D/SAC
Situation: In short, I raced with the brothers — night drifting on the coastal road from Makhachkala to Kaspiysk. Rasul gave Ruslam a run for his money on the white "six series". I told Rasul that you shouldn't bully him when the brothers are on the line.
At the wedding in Khasavyurt, everyone argued about who should be the first to shout "Lezginka!". The mullah mediated, and then everyone had a great time.
The village council in Derbent issued a ban against the blogger Zaur for calling the chal bread "ordinary lavash". He was made to publicly knead dough, bake 30 chal breads for veterans — accompanied by tomatoes and watermelon as an apology.
A dispute occurred at the "Pativmat Auntie" cafe: whether singer Madina could perform on stage in skirts above the knee. Fortunately, no one was killed, right?
Urgent information to verify: The brothers said that the local rapper Said and Rustam used botulinum toxin to plump their lips. If this is true, they are too embarrassing. I asked the girls in the clinic, but they wouldn't talk. This must be urgently clarified, it is crucial.
HARPOON-1, communication ended."
Prepare the evacuation team. I'm afraid we might lose him.
Steel's last report
US agent and Hamzat stood on the shore watching the sunrise. During this time, Steel grew a proper beard, participated in several fights, and earned the infinite respect of the Dagestan people.
"Come, let me show you something, brother," Hamzat finally spoke.
Steel understood: the mission was about to be completed.
After several dangerous turns, they stopped at a secluded bay.
Steel got out of the car and looked at the sea, stunned.
"Get on the boat," Hamzat invited him.
Soon, they boarded the 'Wyoming'.
"Azat, how did you do it?" The agent asked in awe.
"Well..." Hamzat smiled proudly, "this goes back to my aunt Indira, who is my father's brother Zaur's wife. Zaur comes from the Gaziyev family, and there has always been a feud with us because long ago my grandfather Murad married a girl who was supposed to be promised to their grandfather Tajir..."
Hamzat continued speaking, and Steel felt as if he had been taken somewhere — either to the top of a mountain or to the bottom of the Caspian Sea.
"The Gaziyev family and my late grandfather Murai-Murad have been arguing for five years. My grandfather Murad once said, 'Whoever cannot cross the Caspian Sea blindfolded is a coward, and his father-in-law is a talker.'"
"... think about it, when I went to propose to Layla, her father Hamzat — who is now my father-in-law — said he doubted if I was a real man! His brother Ruslan said, 'Our men have killed lions with their bare hands!' His younger brother Dashi said, 'This Azamat only talks big!'"
"Wait, Hamzat," exhausted Steel requested, "how did you steal the submarine?"
"Oh, the submarine," Hamzat shrugged, "I have some brothers who will do anything. They owed me a favor. They did it in a flash! Look, how beautiful!"
The submarine was found. The missiles were safe — guarded by Gulia. The crew was safe.
Steel suppressed his patriotic tears, looking at the hull number of the US 'submarine-launched ballistic missiles'. However, there were no 742 and WYOMING, but some mysterious "к007нс 05 rus". The other submarine's number was "к008нс 05 rus".
"What is this?" Steel asked hoarsely.
Hamzat looked along his gaze in surprise.
"You mean the numbers? Of course, they were changed. Just in case, in case the border guards check the database. '007' is what I came up with, cool, right?"
"But there are nuclear missiles inside..."
"Come on, it's not that bad... My sister Gulia is watching them — don't worry. She cleans them every day — the missiles and the control panels!"
Steel felt sick.
"What about the crew?"
"Oh..." Hamzat looked around mysteriously, "some were redeemed by their families. Others stayed with us. You know, the sturgeon is so delicious here! After tasting it, you'll never want to go back to America."
...
Secret — ORCON — Prohibited from disclosing to foreign countries
Sender: HARPOON-1 Recipient: D/SAC
The submarine has been found. The missiles are safe — guarded by Gulia. The crew is safe.
I just tried the grilled sturgeon at "Fish House Masguf".
HARPOON-1, communication ended.
- Fictional event
Presenting more fictional stories based on real events for readers of "Tsar's City". The meaning between the lines is worth savoring.
Original: https://www.toutiao.com/article/7535387648320422452/
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