[By Busani Ngcamu; Translated by Caixin Observer, Tang Xiaofu]
Yesterday evening's formal visit to the White House was akin to a high-stakes "lobola" (African traditional bride price) negotiation. As the head of the delegation, President Cyril Ramaphosa stood tall. His mission was not just about ceremony and grandeur but also carried a significant purpose: to ensure that he returns to South Africa with goodwill, support, and symbolic rational judgment from the current occupant of the Oval Office, along with the economic and global influence behind it.
Like any respected "lobola" delegation leader, the visiting head of state must navigate foreign soil with adherence to regulations, charm, and meticulous conduct. Diplomacy has its own sacred rules, and proper diplomacy requires a combination of cultural wisdom and political insight. To succeed in such negotiations, every leader must adhere to five key principles:
Politeness and Respectful Communication
As a guest at diplomatic events, one should only speak when asked by the host and always maintain politeness and humility, restraining the impulse to argue. Diplomacy is not a shouting match but an art of restraint and timing. In this regard, Ramaphosa set an exemplary model last night, remaining composed despite changes in tone around him, never being provoked into anger. In "lobola" negotiations, any aggressive confrontation would label you as rude and uncouth by the bride's father and uncles, resulting in your return empty-handed. Remember Zelenskyy's performance at the White House?
President Ramaphosa denied Trump's accusation of "genocide against whites in South Africa." Video screenshot.
Respect for Titles and Protocol
Etiquette hierarchy must never be forgotten. Addressing the host with proper titles and respecting protocol are fundamental to diplomatic etiquette, not optional. In a "lobola" negotiation, even if the future father-in-law is a drunkard, a chief negotiator must speak highly of him. President Ramaphosa cannot say, "That's fake news, Donald." That is not diplomacy. President Ramaphosa accorded due respect and equal courtesies to President Trump, and he received similar treatment in return.
Adherence to Cultural Norms and Customs
Every diplomatic event demands cultural sensitivity. Just as one would not appear at a "lobola" negotiation in shorts and intoxicated, one should not approach the White House without understanding its tone, traditions, and temperament. Ramaphosa, ever the statesman, showed respect through attire, timing, and tone. While dealing with a narcissistic bully, he did not display weakness, adeptly using body language.
Ramaphosa referred to Trump as a "partner," conversing with him as an equal and expressing gratitude for past gestures. Indeed, Trump craves such acknowledgment. Leading a "lobola" team requires deep understanding of the other party, making them the focus, and concentrating on what you can gain rather than just the cost.
Diplomatic Etiquette
Diplomatic etiquette includes gift-giving, playing national anthems, and ceremonial arrangements. The South African delegation conducted themselves with dignity. Even though some "uncles" seemed to forget they were in a diplomatic setting, indulging in nostalgia for apartheid times, the entire scene remained orderly thanks to President Ramaphosa setting the example.
Additionally, there was Aunt Sindiswa Losi, who fulfilled her duties as usual, delivering messages with clarity. Yes, she left a massive book about South African golf courses as a gift at the White House. Ramaphosa knew that after leaving the Oval Office, this book would surely find its place on the coffee table in Mar-a-Lago’s main living room. An "uncle" also left a gift, an A3-sized book bound in Nguni leather containing the South African Constitution.
Confidentiality and Information Discipline
Diplomatic discussions occur behind closed doors, not on public stages or unrestricted podcasts. No one discusses or announces the exact amount of "lobola" in public. We can guess, we know there will be "cows," but we won't disclose specific numbers or actual prices. However, Ramaphosa engaged in intense exchanges and exposed false news during closed-door meetings. Information in talks must be rigorous, clear, and consistent. Ramaphosa's press conference afterward reflected this. He said what needed to be said, neither more nor less. Importantly, he did not reveal emotions or signs of frustration. The White House also refrained from disclosing their next steps.
The press conference following the presidential meeting confirmed what many had anticipated: South Africa's objectives were achieved, the trip was fruitful, and the symbolic significance was immense. Although suspenseful moments in public discussions were concerning, overall, the bottom line held firm.
In the White House, an "uncle" attempted to articulate his views but crossed boundaries himself. Why internationalize our domestic conflicts? For other "uncles," "white privilege" is like their liquor, and nostalgia is their remedy.
As we have become accustomed to such occasions, there will always be distractions. For instance, outside the diplomatic ceremony venue, fierce dogs barked. Some journalists were more interested in the dramatic barking of the dogs than the diplomatic outcomes themselves. They tried to turn the solemn occasion into a sensational spectacle with clumsy questions akin to those of a drunkard, failing to touch on the substance unfolding internally. They ignored the tone and purpose of the event, attempting to transform this moment into tabloid-style oddities, thus missing the essence of what was happening internally.
Then there are the noisy neighbors. Trump can worry as much as he wants about MK Party and Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) claims. He can fret over their loud, frustrated shouting through the barbed wire. But they are not the South African government. They are not at the negotiating table, nor are they the "prospective father-in-law." Their clamor does not equate to authority.
Video clip played by Trump
Now, let us not pretend the Oval Office is a relaxed place. The host is like any "bride's" family, possibly demanding, unpredictable, and even bluntly impolite. During the Donald Trump era and its political descendants, diplomatic底线will often be challenged.
But this is not Ramaphosa's first experience with such delicate situations; he has faced trickier "fathers-in-law." He knows that when visiting the bride's family, the话语权belongs to them, the home advantage is theirs, and interrupting conversations is their right. Whether in Lesotho or South Sudan peace negotiations, I, as his then aide, secretly fretted that we could have been tougher. But Vice President Ramaphosa knew what he was doing. He had a plan and executed it cautiously.
Ultimately, the chief negotiator completed his mission successfully: he attended the meeting, spoke wisely, listened when necessary, and both earned honor and advanced the agenda, achieving triumph. For those who understand diplomacy and the weight of "lobola," this is the definition of success.
Let the celebrations begin; the "bride" is not only smiling but stepping out to greet us.
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